It has been almost two months since I’ve written here. I’ve exported my blog to archive and opted not to renew my NoAds upgrade. I’ve sort of decided to just let this work fade away. I’m not the person I was when I committed to this space. I am not grieving the death of my childless self, or of my cousin, or my aunties, or my youth. I’m not struggling to remake myself in the conflicting ideals of mother/wife/daughter/writer/student/human/corporate refugee. I’m not disillusioned, self-righteous, or in desperate need of semi-anonymous validation. Not anymore. This space was about a woman striving to become something new, or something better, or something different and worthy and tentatively extraordinary. It never occurred to me that I might have been all of those things, already. You knew, though. And I am so grateful.
Anyway, I have a stacked course load until the end of next summer. I have an unfinished novel. I have a completely inexplicable compulsion to look at PhD scholarships and mindmap research projects and dissertations beyond the scope of this MA. I need to run, a few days a week. I need yoga. I need to be away from screens and text for contiguous spans of time that will permit me to see – to actually really see – these two little humans who came from my body and keep growing and changing every time I look away. The time I had to read your blogs and comment and reply and be a part of your virtual lives…. I don’t know when I’ll have that again.
So, I’m going to sign off, for awhile. I have this domain until next summer, so the space will be here. I’m sorry about the ads you might see if you come back to say ‘hey’. They have nothing to do with me. I might pop in to post a link, like this one, if ever my work makes it out into the wide wide world. I might be silent for a long time.
I will be back, though. I promise. I’m a better writer, when I write to you. I’m a better friend, when I can read your work and marvel at each brief and glowing window on your worlds. I just have to go away, for awhile. It’s time to go.
Hugs, my friends. I’ll miss you.