I’m ready to be finished grad school. Lots of people drop out or scale back at this point. I’ve read their stories. They’re burned out, exhausted, disillusioned, and so done. They take a “break” that turns into a six-month hiatus, maybe pick up a course again, maybe put it off, maybe find something other than higher-education to chew up their bank accounts and feed their text addictions…. I get it. I have that It’s Time For a Change feeling going on, and it would be so incredibly, so temptingly, easy to close my textbooks, return the remaining stacks to their associated libraries, pop a double-batch of yellow corn and settle in for thirty-six brain-cleansing hours of National Geographic TV followed by the rest of my life a year or so of reading and writing whatever the hell I want.
Sadly, I suck at giving up. As a matter of fact, I’m horrible at it. Among the sanity-saving lifeskills most adults possess – such as telling white lies, shopping, making conversation, and quitting things – I’m bad at all of them, but the absolute worst at the last one. So, dropping out or backing off is not an option for me. Despite the ongoing state of my eye-bags and tears shed over the last grinds of coffee.
In addition to being pig-headed, stubborn, out of my everloving mind, dedicated, I also happen to be a solutions-focused kinda girl. So, I’ve decided to condense my four-year program into 2.5 years, with the goal of submitting my final project no later than September 2014. I’ve also decided to finish The Fiction Project, obtain my TESL certification and learn to drive…. though I’m somewhat less confident I’ll be able to tick those items off my list within that time-frame. (I do need to sleep. Occasionally.) This worked for me during my last year of undergrad, when I was so sick of being in school I enrolled in the maximum number of courses allowable and just got ‘er done. I had a full-time desk job, then, which was about as demanding as my dayhome crew, and a couple of weekly volunteer commitments. No kids, though….
Come on, now. Kids aren’t that much more work.
Uh huh. You can stop laughing, now.
- D.
As one famous professional basketball player used to say,
“Enjoy the journey”…
Grad school is like a marathon. Very apt metaphor.
Thanks. I’m hoping I can make it a half instead of an ultra with a bit of a faster pace and minimal sacrifice. I hope!
You never cease to amaze me. For all that you claim you’re *not* good at doing, you offer clear and constant evidence that there’s nothing you’re not willing to attempt and very little indeed that you don’t manage to accomplish with plenty of dashing style and grace. Perfection, besides being impossible, would be hideously boring by comparison to the adventures you have lived and continue to live. Yay You! When you run out of steam, know that a whole pack of us fans are cheering you onward and trusting you will prevail! And that we give full permission (if not outright command) for you to take the occasional much-needed break from being superwoman and just luxuriate in being a cool person we all love.
xoxo
((hugs)) Thank you, sweet lady. Perfection IS boring. I tried it for awhile, and as good as I got at doing what I was supposed to do all the time and really well…. Well, who wants to live like that, anyway? So here’s to drowning in texts and soaking in bubble baths and the kind words of good friends. Cheers!
I yawned just thinking about the energy level required to do what you do as it is wearing on a old giffer as I. That said, when one does what one ‘loves’ (yes I said the L word’ one can live on vapour. It does seem you have something tangible in mind when this is all done and that is what makes it all worth while in the end. I did the same as you to some degree. I finished in one school , then continued in another school in another province. I condensed it as well -down to a year and half, though in hind sight, I wish I had slowed it down and not have sling shot out from there, as I feel I sped past other opportunities and directions. Back then I never felt overwhelmed, though others were literally paralyzed -nothing sadder than zombies with high IQ’s. There is much good to pushing yourself beyond the limits, intellectually, mentally and physically. Cliche as it is, their is nothing wrong with failure, but giving in wounds a person deeply.
Agreed. Giving in is bad for the soul, in whatever way “soul” is interpreted. I don’t feel overwhelmed. Just focused. And that clarity has been gone for such a long time. So maybe the L word is appropriate, after all :-)
Maybe it’s just a good old case of spring fever. Get outdoors in the sunshine for a while! It always works wonders for me :)
We’re outside for at least an hour every day, unless it’s colder than -20 degrees Celsius. And the sun is coming back – hooray! Maybe spring is all I need.
You go girl! Go get ‘er done! And yes, kids aren’t that much more work… yeah right! ;)
Hahahaha! Thanks, Pamela :-)
Oh, boy- I remember when you were talking about starting grad school as a working mom, and I was, like…”phwew…it’s gonna be a ride”. I did it, too- and I stuck it out- but it was not easy. In the end, I’m glad I did, because I know now that if I had taken a break, it would have taken years to get back into that kind of grind and groove. Make sure you get some sleep- It is a tough thing you’re doing….
I will sleep. I’ll probably also neglect my children and ignore my husband, but they are getting used to that. :P In order to get through this I need to be able to see the finish line, and I’m not going to be able to see the finish line if I don’t muscle on ahead. It’s like my own personal ultra-marathon, though perhaps less spiritual than Haruki Murakami’s. :-)
I am tired just reading this..oh wait, it’s because it is MY LIFE TOO! that explains everything!
*fist bump* The end is in sight for you, though, isn’t it? And then you will feel like you’re riding a custom-tinted, Tiffany-themed rocket ship beyond the limits of our galaxy. Please do send a post card. =)
I love this one and SO identify. Hang in there lady!! I love the list of sanity-saving skills you’re bad at (that most adults possess) “such as telling white lies, shopping, making conversation, and quitting things.” Me too. And especially, if someone says “You can’t do it.” or “You’ll never finish that.” (or maybe “You need to work on your wardrobe.”) The old stubbbbbbborn streak kicks in. So you can expect some (a lot of) dings to your sanity along the road. But hey, “sane” people are rarely really creative.
LOL! Yes, I actually entered university in the first place because my former stepfather told me I would never graduate. Hah! I should thank him, really, though it would be entirely too tempting to tattoo every single A and A+ I’ve earned since across his forehead. >:-} Sane people are boring, it’s true. I expect to be a remarkably more interesting person after this ride!
tough spot you’re in… as a former over-achiever, I relate. as a person who is now relegated to a tiny little life because of year-long illness, I suggest this: re-read your words, but assume your best friend wrote them… see what happens…. maybe there is middle ground, like not straight A grades, etc….
That’s good advice, lahgitana. I, too, have often had to realize that I would never expect from my friends what I expect from myself. Sometimes we need to be our own best friend…
what you said–double. it’s hard, though, for some reason(s) to expect a comfortable level from ourselves instead of full-on intensity. dunno why, but there we are… (nice to meet you!)
*nodding* Yes, I would probably tell my best friend she’s crazy and to slow the hell down before she hurts herself. And then she would probably snort at me, mention something about pots and kettles, and move on to a less contentious subject. Thanks for this, ladies. I’ll post photos of myself at the finish line!
You’re nuts, lady. But in a good way.
My one question for you would be: are you capable of quitting, or cutting yourself some slack, before you kill yourself (or someone else) or seriously compromise your health and/or sanity? Because if not, then you’ve got a problem. It’s better to quit voluntarily than to be forced to because they won’t let you study when you’re in a coma in the intensive care ward.
But if you *can* at least occasionally say “forget this nonsense, I ain’t doing that no more”, then barrel right ahead and keep doing what you’re doing. Just don’t forget to breathe every once in a while. And maybe even pop that bowl of corn and watch brainless TV.
See you at convocation!
I’ll play it fast and safe, A. Don’t worry. I might have to swap my A+’s for A-’s or (*shudders*), B’s. And I will take a day off when I need to, and sleep in when I can. My plan does not include being wheeled across the convocation platform by my weeping husband and grimy children. I might bring a bottle of wine, though :-)