I’m giving myself about fifteen minutes to write this because I really, really want to get through this semester’s course material as quickly as possible, AND we have Shelton’s Car Trip Birthday Extravaganza coming up in just a couple of weeks.
Also, one garden box still needs planting.
Also, the laundry needs folding.
Also, I’m down to eating chocolate chips and dry Corn Pops and listening to classical music on NOSEBLEED to ensure that at least one small part of the reams of dry reading will actually adhere to my brain.
Anywhoo, I’m at a point in my brief childcare career where I need to make some decisions about where to go from here. Two of my extra kids and one of my own kids will be in school full days beginning in September. I’m still waiting on firm summer/fall plans from the remaining families, but it looks like I will have at least one spot available beginning in July, and possibly two. Common sense dictates I message the families on my waiting list, or post an ad, or Facebook my pending availability and get some butts in the seats while they’re still warm. Except that, I find myself once again mired in the reeking sludge of some conflicting parenting styles and some kids with epically challenging behaviour and some kids just growing and changing and not needing me quite as much, anymore. Because that’s what kids do, right?
Add that to the demands of graduate school, my desire to get it done as quickly as possible, and the odd eye-catching job posting in the public service, and I can’t help but to wonder if I’m growing and changing, too, you know? I wasn’t long into this business when I figured out that these kids have way more to teach me than I have to teach them. Maybe they’ve taught me how to grow, and maybe I’m now learning the weight of those transitions at drop-off time and pick-up time, when they really, really want to stay/go but also can’t bear that moment of change.
Sometimes the best decision is no decision at all. I hope that’s the case, this time. I think about sending my kids to daycare full-time, and I know I can’t do that. They exhaust me, and aggravate me, and teach me, and keep me lifted, and I can’t give up that part of our lives before I have no alternative. I think about bringing in another couple of toddlers and wonder if that’s exactly what we need. I think about spending the next ten years doing this, filling my life with sixty hour work weeks and changing diapers and cleaning potties and letting them go when it’s time. In response to questions about potty training, or sleep training, or self-feeding, or pre-reading, I’ve probably told dozens of parents, “You’ll know when she’s ready.”
Knowing, of course, that – at first, anyway – the parent almost never is.
Love these two lines!
‘ “You’ll know when she’s ready.” Knowing, of course, that – at first, anyway – the parent almost never is.” ‘
I’m there again as well. Not easy to make a clear and clean decision when in the context things can phase off slowly, or not….huh?!
Exactly! There are no clear decisions, right now. Just a sort of ‘wait-and-see’, which is something I’ve never been good at. Blah. There is a best solution, it’s just evading me for the moment. I hope you’re able to find yours soon, too.
The thing about cross roads and what I advise myself…..
Conseillez le numéro un: I say zig zag around the crossroads. They seem to be more nuisance than a benefit in the long haul. Flip a coin or better still put on your best Clint Eastwood face -bend down and grab a mitt full of dirt then take note of the direction the wind carries the dust. And ride off with the wind to your back
Conseillez le numéro deux: Just dance.
Agreed =D A serious walkabout is definitely in order, and parking my butt on my case at the fork in the road, chin propped on palm, is not helping anyone. I shall zig, most certainly. And possibly tuck and roll. Which is sometimes how it works out for me on the dance floor, anyway.
Good grief, yeah. You’re profound, lady.
I’m a bit further down the parenting track than you are, and looking back, I can say that I’ve never regretted making choices that were for more time with my kids, but I have regretted choosing “tasks” or “work” over the kids. And sometimes choosing the kids meant choosing “me” first, over “tasks” or “work”, so there was some of “me” to spend with the kids.
I like Tori’s advice.
Hmmm. There has been a serious shortage of me going on around here, lately, which might be (maybe-possibly) somehow (remotely) related to this whole oil-and-water vibe my kids and I have going on, and/or my compelling desire to head for the hills. Time to arrange some cocktails with my girlfriends, read some trashy fiction, and hang the do-not-disturb sign on my bedroom door! =D
My dear child, whatever you do, this loyal follower is certain it will involve the perfect decision. Hang tough!
((hugs)) Thank you, Lindy Lee. Your kindness is always such a smile for me. :-)
It sounds like anti-advice, but let things happen. I think we stress to make decisions and a lot of times things will happen as they should (without or before us knowing what the “as they should” part is).
“Roll with it” is the current plan (possibly because I can’t bring myself to commit to any other option). I hate being indecisive, and I’m a total control freak. Sigh. Life lessons and all that crap, right?
Keep those seats empty and let them go slowly. It’s the best of both worlds, I say. You can still do your coursework and other “you” things, but you can still keep them around until it is time for you to fully move on!
I have two years before my Bug is in school full days, so you’re right, I have a lot of time to ease out of this phase as slowly as I need to. It’s just so funny that I’m struggling with how I will cope with these transitions. I don’t remember reading about that in the Early Learning and Child Care texts :P
I really understand what you’re saying, Desi.
For some reason, when our youngest graduated from high school FIVE years ago, now, I was having trouble internally coping with this change. That there wouldn’t be any more of our kids in school. It was very strange for me. I’m not one to dwell on something, but this really got to me.
I have no advice, but very thought-provoking post for something you wrote in 15 min.
So much of being a kid revolves around school, I do understand how that change would be difficult to cope with. I am FAR from ready for that! Thanks for your kind words, MJ. This feels like one of those things I’ll just have to roll with, you know?
Wonderful darling, now get straight back to work! Have a fab evening in those books! c
Thanks, c. My books and I have been somewhat unwilling collaborators lately. I suppose I should stop threatening them with fire….
It’s amazing what kids can do for/to us. I spent my early teenage career working in a preschool, five years to be exact. Somedays I miss it, somedays I have nightmares from it. Somehow I moved on from that and became a dog trainer, lol. Point being, follow that gut. <3
LOL! We’ve been in the nightmare days quite a lot, lately, which makes me wonder if I’m really and truly cut out for this. My gut says go if some truly meaningful work comes along that can also pay the bills. I suspect that means I’ll be here for awhile!